Friday, February 10, 2006

What do I look like?

Seriously, what do I look like to these people? An accountant? A doctor? A psychiatrist? A cheap date? A nun?

I get a lot of stupid questions at work, and entirely too much information from time to time (such as the woman who, when asking about Kegel exercises, made sure to tell me that she was incontinent rather than have me think she was trying to improve her sex life) but the one that topped them all happened some months ago.

I was on hold with another branch, waiting to see if a book the patron was interested in was, in fact, on the shelf, when said patron looked me right in the eye and asked if I'd ever thought about becoming a nun.


Flabbergasted, I just stammered out a brief, "Nooo. . . ." Not to be dissuaded, this woman procedes to tell me about how she has some brochures in her car and she'd be happy to get them for me.

My first thought: What about me looks remotely nunnish? Is it the glasses? The lack of wedding ring that I'd recently removed because my hands were too swollen to wear it? The fact that I was about four months pregnant? What?

Then I start coming up with some mental replies.
* I'm afraid this isn't a good time to devote myself to the Buddha.
* No thanks, I'm a Satanist.
* Are you fucking insane?
* Y'know, I would, but I think pregnant nuns are frowned upon.
* That depends; what kind of sex lives do nuns have?
* Why would I do that? I'm freakin' agnostic!

What I actually said, however, was a very bland, "I think my husband would object."

That shut her up long enough for a result to come back. I wonder if she went to pick up her book and started asking people over there about becoming nuns?

And yet murder is still illegal. . . *sigh*


Hadrian said...

This post is even more interesting if, when you first begin reading it, you assume it was written by degolar.

Apparently your appearance just screams "lapsed Catholic in need of redemption".

Degolar said...

I don't think anyone's ever mistaken me for a nun, but I can relate to the too much information aspect.

scott said...

Since Leelu posts are such a rarity, I also assumed this was written by Degolar. Hee Hee.

Maybe she was fooled by your phone sex voice and was trying to redeem you. :P

Lummox said...

I just sat here busting a gut over the Degolar thing. You guys crack me up.

And just so you guys know, She only dresses up like a nun for me. And only on my birthdays and holidays ending in -mas.

And as for her phone sex voice, the library has drummed up a LOT of patronage from that voice, so you should worship it, not frown upon it. :D I do.