An open letter to my husband on our anniversary

Dearest,

I know that I’m not always very good at expressing myself, but I want you to know I love you very much, so I’ve made a list of things I can have a hard time telling you.

My husband, I love you because…
of the curve of your eyebrow
of the way you breathe when you sleep
of your laugh
you’ll make me breakfast in bed
your eyes close in bliss when you hear music you love
your voice sends chills down my spine
when you hold me, I feel safe
of the adorable swirl of hair at your elbows
of the warmth in your eyes
you can giggle like a schoolgirl, or Homer Simpson
you can imitate Meatwad, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Bill Clinton
you knew my favorite flower before I did
you’re passionate about everything
you love to play in the rain
your skin feels good against mine
you’ve made me laugh until I’ve puked
of the shape of your lips
you would literally—and have—give someone the shirt off your back
you’ll spend an hour in your car with a stranger looking for his friend because they were caught in a snowstorm
you love animals
you love babies
you love vindaloo
you love good beer
you love your family
you love my family
you love sensual pleasures
you love movies
you love music
you love books
you love me
you find numbers a source of amusement
you look at me like a work of art
you read me the best bits of what you're reading
you fall asleep to the sound of my voice
you hold my hand when I’m nervous
you hold my hand because you want to
you hold my hand because you don’t want me to leave
your hand feels so good around mine
of your sweet smile
of your goofy smile
of your wicked smile
of your sultry smile
of your happy smile
your eyelashes look so charming against your cheek
you don’t care what I do with my hair
you don’t care about your hair, either
you have graceful hands
you look good in a fedora
when you dance, you put your entire being into it
you love having animals all over you
you’ll clean out the dishes that were forgotten in the refrigerator for months on end
you infuriate me
you drive me crazy
you relax me
you confound me
you impress me
you’re brilliant
you don’t realize how bright you are
you’re openminded
you love your “Can’t sleep, clowns will eat me” t-shirt
you’ve been mauled by a tiger
okay, a tiger cub attacked your shoe
you can cry if you need to
you laugh at everything else
you are angered by cruelty
you hold doors for people
you dance like you’re fighting, and fight like you’re dancing, and are entrancing either way
it’s marshMALLowy
you understand me
you let me know if I make no sense
your hair is soft
you like chicken
and jam
you run with ideas
you love me
you make me feel special
of that quirk you get in the corner of your mouth when you’re trying not to laugh at me
you know what I mean by a “child beatin’ spoon”
you have a habit of buying me things you know I want but won’t buy for myself
the way you imitate Gollum in my “precious” ear
you’ll call me at work just to tell me a joke
even after all these years, you still try to teach me to dance
you hold a sword like you were born with it
you’re a pacifist
you really believe that beauty is within
you make the world’s best chili
of the bliss on your face when you take a bite of good steak
in the time I’ve known you, you’ve gone from being a fundamentalist Christian to a Buddhist
your falsetto is better than my soprano
your bass is better than my alto
you coined the word “meph”
you’re so proud when you manage to say the word “cinnamon” on the first try
you’ll say “antihierarchical” when I can’t
you throw yourself into roles
you don’t do anything by half
of the way you flirt
you’re considerate
you can get so excited you can’t talk without sputtering
your hair is brown and your beard is red
you have great thighs
you’re kind to everyone
you tip well
you always tell me that everything will turn out fine
you never lie about important things
you get frustrated when I don’t know what I want
you get frustrated when you don’t know what you want
you’ll suddenly spin me in a parking lot and dance to music in your head
you know how to set the clock on all the household electronics
you love cartoons
you can debate Marvel vs. DC
you have a voracious appetite for knowledge
you can be as stubborn as I can
you love me
you feel your day was a waste if you didn’t manage to make at least one person laugh
you’re affected by others’ pain
you have a good artistic sense
you like to play in the snow
you love driving aimlessly
you mind will go on sporadic vacations, leaving your body behind
everything fascinates you
you hate being made responsible for things
you take responsibility anyway
you put up with my moodiness
you tell me every day, no matter what may be happening, how much you love me
even if we’re arguing, you’ll kiss me goodbye
you bring me tea when I don’t feel well
you encourage me when I feel incompetent
you cheer me up when I feel down
you reassure me when I worry
you reassure me A LOT
you tell me to get a grip when I’ve gone beyond reassurance
you’re always there for me
you scrub the one you’re with
bad kitty!
you get my jokes
you make excellent French toast
you get so embarrassed when you’re complimented
you can pick out individual lines in a harmony
you can tell me what instruments are playing in a mix of sounds
you want to grow a Mohawk
purple is optional
you’re generally messing with people’s heads and making them underestimate you
you think tough chicks are hot
you think delicate chicks are hot
you think I, who am neither, am hot
you see the validity in all art forms
you can get downright verbose about your passion du jour
you have greater faith in humanity than I can muster
you bring me flowers just because
you’re impulsive
you’re romantic
you might be afraid of getting hurt, but you never let that stop you from committing yourself to whatever it is that you want
you don’t let your passions die
you love me

I just want you to know that for every reason I’ve listed here, I have at least a hundred more. What it all comes down to, though, is one simple thing. So, the next time I ask, “Why do I love you, again?” you can answer, in all honesty, “Because I’m me.”

Or else you can say you like chicken. That works too.